another moral hangover. fuck.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
