I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
