Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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