the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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