There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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