her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
