While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
