i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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