we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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