She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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