im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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