So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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