And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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