ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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