Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
