it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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