all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
false alarm, still single
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
