you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did i just pee glitter
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
