You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
