...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
