hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want nice things and good sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
