I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
