I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just googled if crying burns calories
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
