super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
