he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize