well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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