You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i drank out of a bidet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
