Your mouth is God's brothel.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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