i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
