i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
