She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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