It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
