Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
