Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
