I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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