yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
