Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
