it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
