she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
