i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
