Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
