i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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