Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
