I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
