Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
