Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
