I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
