Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Let's paint friendship bongs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
