I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
