Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
