i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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