You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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