yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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