Come see our sink grown plant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dicks are not precious.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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