Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
