there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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