Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
