Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
