I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
