ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
