wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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