Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
