1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
