so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
