My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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