I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
