Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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